This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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