Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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