Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
