We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
