I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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