she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ok first of all what the fuck
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize