i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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