he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize