You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
