Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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