I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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