I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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