He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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