Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
