my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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