I cannot find my penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
