she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
