Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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