omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
handjob tips. give me some.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize