Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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