Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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