Your tits are I can't wait for
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
