I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
