i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
