I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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