There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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