hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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