FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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