I can't breathe out the right side of my face
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
