It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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