Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
