Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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