dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
