Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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