her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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