last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
