is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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