All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
