I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
