I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
