i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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