Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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