found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize