just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
