If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
