Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
