so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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