the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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