Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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