the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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