Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
