he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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