This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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