based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
