VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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