he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
