I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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