i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
