Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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