well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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