So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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