Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
