You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize