whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
