It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i am craving dick and cupcakes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
