i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
