he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
