it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
