He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
