If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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