O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
