Can Purell be used as lube?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
