Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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