Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
