Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
