she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
