oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
