he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
