why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
