I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
