I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
