well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
