I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You pole danced in your parka.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
