you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
