you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
