8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
