so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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