I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i now understand why vodka
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
