the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize