pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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