i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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