Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then my night got REAL pukey
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
