they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
