I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
