Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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