Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
