So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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