her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
