Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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