I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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