Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
