And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
