Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
