We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
