5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
