New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
