i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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