On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
accomplished twins. life is a go
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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