I can't watch pbs sober anymore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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