in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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