Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
