you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize