Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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