Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
